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I am rarely the smartest or most talented person in the room. Nor do I generally have the most creative or analytical mind amongst my clients and teammates. I don’t always say the right thing, use the right tone or think before acting. I lead by my gut and have pissed off more people than I can count. But I have heart. I care. I will outwork you and I try not to repeat mistakes. I bleed passion for what I do, who I represent, and who I stand next to.

Many people are afraid to admit that they don’t know how to operate in the digital realm. In my experience, people often feel a need to grandstand in this area. And yes, while natural adapters, organic geniuses and natives are among us, most of us are a little lost and overwhelmed by the noise. The digital climate changes so frequently that it’s impossible to be an “expert.” However, I was built with the fortitude to figure things out quickly and armed with the experience to know how, and if, to proceed. If anyone pretends to have all the answers, please run away from them.  

Most of us grew up believing that talking about ourselves was rude. Most of us learned to engage in conversation, not just talk at people. But here we are, taking selfies, talking about ourselves and getting rewarded (even paid!) for it. What happened? Whether it’s an artist, a brand or a mom-friend who is concerned about her kid…at the heart of the matter, everyone has the same questions and is concerned by the same things.

I’ve answered all those questions. I’ve comforted many concerns. I’ve been embraced, ignored, yelled at, fired, and rehired. I’ve been told I am worthless; I’ve won awards, I’ve been blamed for shit I wasn’t responsible for and given credit for things I didn’t deserve. I’ve had disgruntled employees; I’ve had slim years and fat years. And here’s the secret: there’s no secret. To be successful, you must go to work every day like it’s your first day on the job. When you don’t get out of bed with your ass on fire, you need a change. 

Algorithms and best practices bombard us. Follower accounts and engagement psychologically affect us. Trolls hiding behind screens bully us. We get overwhelmed by new platforms and new features on networks that we “just got the hang of.” We get barraged by media coverage that inspires anxiety. We become tricked into thinking that statistics are the only metric of success. We grow fretful and compare ourselves to others. We continue to give our power away.  

These platforms should not control you! You need to make these platforms work for you.

Before you ask, I still have bills to pay. As I write this book, I am plagued with trepidation that people will ask, “Why would I take advice from her?” So, let me just be straightforward: this is not an advice book. This is not a “How to Live Your Life” manual. This isn’t a “How To GrowYour Instagram Followers In Ten Days” scam. This is a collection of experiences that I am hoping will resonate with you. I am surrounded by people who are more successful than I am. I have been exposed to rich yet unhappy people. I have had to battle on behalf of common sense for twenty-plus years. I advocate for authenticity. I took the long, hard road, and I hope to give you a few shortcuts and save you some pain. I will always be the girl who skipped her senior prom to attend a music festival and never looked back. Sometimes you just have to say “fuck it” and go with your gut. 

On November 8, 2018, I heard the news no one wants to hear: You Have Cancer. After the initial shock, I took a look around and took some heavy inventory of my life and realized I had hit the jackpot. 

I am married to an ambitious and creative partner who understands that I am the same. We co-parent two beautiful, healthy children. I have the kind of sister who flies to my house, washes my hair and takes care of my kids when I am sick. I have a beautiful niece on the verge of adulthood that I get a kick out of. I have a stepdaughter who took a big, exciting career move this year and still lets me boss her around occasionally. I have life long friends who are perfectly un-perfect. I was given the gift of forgiveness. 

I have learned so many things from so many smart people—some of whom are no longer with us—and I want to honor them by passing on what they taught me. I continue to be mentored by strong and clever people who are generous with their time. I am surrounded by co-workers who renew my inspiration and who, I believe, are more talented than me (which is great!). I have loyal clients who stick by me.

I’ve seen trends in my business that we keep unnecessarily repeating. I see frequent mistakes employees make in their formative workplace years. I’ve made epic bad decisions as both an employee and a boss. I’ve failed at marriage and friendship at times. 

But, where there was pain and struggle, there’s always been growth and opportunity for me. Where there’s been despair, faith has kicked its ass. Because of my losses, I’ve appreciated my wins more. I hope I can save you some hassle. I hope that I can make you think, laugh, and see your own story in mine…because we are all connected, online and offline.

Pre-order Becoming Girlilla here.

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